Eyes of Blue: She’s very fragile, just like the author's mental state and ego. Please, tell her how shitty this story really is; she gets seriously pissed if you don't kiss her ass or tell her lies about how good she is. And she’s very scared , just like the author should be by this spork. But not of our beloved demon. (Ugh. I'm gagging already.) HirumaXOC (a.k.a. HirumaxMary-Sue)
--
The first day of school is usually spent telling yourself not to be nervous. (Really? Could of sworn my first days were spent trying to find my classrooms before the bell rang.) However, this never works. (Then why the fuck do you do it? Hell, why did you even bring it up?) Blue eyes glanced out from her mid-back length, layered, blonde hair. It wasn’t even beautiful bright blonde (OMG iTZ NOT?!). No, it was light brown with some highlights. (LEiK HOW iZ TAHT POSSiBLE? Blonde but actually a brunette? Sorry, lady, but unless we’re talking about dye/bleaching here you're either a blonde (whether it be platinum, dirty, golden) . . . or a brunette (whether it be light, dark, medium). There is no "she's a blonde, but her hair is actually a light brown with highlights." That's not a blonde. That's . . . a brunette with highlights. God, Suethors are so fucked up when it comes to describing things.)
Being home schooled had its advantages. (Liek, srsly?) She never before had to worry what others thought about her. (Dude, are you serious? That's the only advantage you can come up with? What about the fact that you've access to food, drink, television, music, games, and so on twenty-four/seven? Or the fact that homeschooling is only as strict as the parent is, so you may end up with fifteen breaks because your mom is cool?) What she looked like or how she acted. (Wow, the author is shallow and vain, clearly. Most people who are secure in what they look like and who they are never worry about what others may think of them. I sure as hell don't.) Then again, thinking back at all the bruises she had, she would rather be at school. (Oh, sweet fucking GOD. She's an abused!Sue. All right guys, just set up the pity party now. Let's get this over with.)
“Class, this is our new student, Hiruma Youichi's future love interest, and the future cause of Canon-failure in this story. Please make her feel welcome even though we've all been taught to haze Mary-Sues and make them wish they were never created by their self-absorded, unintelligent authors,” At this the teacher gave a nervous twitch (lmao . . . 'nervous twitch'.), that dropped his glasses to the edge of his nose, and glanced at the back of the classroom. (LAWL!1! LIEK i NOE WHOS BAK THAR!!1!)
Curious, the girl followed his gaze to watch a bubble pop. Bright, blonde spiky, hair, slanted emerald green eyes, (God, she doesn't know how to properly organize a description either.) and no uniform. (Uh. What? Hiruma always wears his uniform, dumbshit. He may be unruly about it, but he does wear it.) This guy was trouble, but she could already feel herself falling in love . . .
Now even more nervous, she pushed her forefingers together in a familiar jester. (Jester? Like, "clown-shoes, funny hat with bells, meant to entertain a king" jester? Or do you mean 'gesture', when someone expresses their emotions and punactates their words with hand and body movement?) “She’s been home schooled her whole life, so no one has seen the evidence of the physical abuse she's been forced to endure all these years, but now that she's here, Hiruma, would you please take notice and pretend to give a shit about her well-being? And this is her first year among peers, so be nice when I'm looking. When my back is turned, feel free to treat her like the obnoxiously emo skank she clearly is.” Another twitch and glance. (Might want to get that twitching looked at, sir.) “Please introduce yourself. We'll try to pay attention to what you have to say.”
Bowing the 90 degrees she was taught by Daddy's 'private' lessons, she said in a gentle voice, “Yamasaki Jin. Thank you for letting me be in your class.” (More like you forced yourself to be in their class.)
-- Hiruma’s POV -- (LAWL! POV CHANGE!)
Che. Another fuckin’ quiet one. I chewed my gum another moment before blowing another bubble. She won’t last three days. (Yeah, you think that now, babe. The author plans on screwing you over thoroughly before the fic is finished.)
She wore the usual short skirt, but to make up for it, her socks came up to her knees. (How is that "making up for it"? All the girls wear the same damn uniform. In order to "make up" for something would mean that there needs to be something different with hers.) Even though it was summer, her uniform was fuckin’ long sleeved! (The first hint that the Mary-Sue is beaten by Daddy like the hoe she is.)
Che. Strange fuckin’ girl. My bubble popped. And what’s with the bow? I leaned back in the chair and plopped my feet on the desk.
“Hay teach.” ('Hay'? Oh, silly Hiruma! Hay is for horses!)Something-or-another-sensai gave a twitch and I smirked sinisterly. Fuckin’ Idiot. “Y-yes, Hiruma-san?” My smirk widened, because I knew I was going to get what I wanted. (Oh God, the author is about to take that forbidden step . . . )The chick glanced up hesitantly, then stood strait. ('Strait'?)
Jezz ('Jezz'?), this girl’s fuckin’ tiny. About as tall as the fuckin’ shrimps and as skinny as me, if not more. Didn’t look like she had much in the breast department either. (You're not going to mind later. She's a 'Sue, after all. Breasts are very important to the Suethors and are always the whole point in their stories.) She’s like a fuckin’ mouse.
She cocked her head toward me questionably. “Send her this way.” (ARGH! The forbidden step!)
-- Jin’s POV --
I looked up at the teacher, wondering if he would save me from the pointy demon. (lmao . . . 'pointy' demon? *pictures a thoroughly sharpened pencil with a shark-toothed grin*) Apparently not, because he looked away quickly.
Sighing, knowing I was caught, I walked toward the seat next to the one called Hiruma.
--Two Weeks Later -- Normal POV -- (Okay, seriously. The author is fucking lazy and the rapid-fire POV changes are stupid.)
Jin sighed and shifted her head so her hair covered her face. (Like the emo she is.) Summer was getting hotter (Well, you surely don't expect it to get cooler, do you?), which means her sleeves (that were once her savior) where now her enemy (zomg teh tRAit0rs!!11). Not that she was going to take off her jacket, oh no. Never, but still… it was hot. (Hence the meaning of summer.)
She shifted again and leaned her head back against the wall she was leaning on. School had let out two hours ago and she still had (. . . 'still had' what?), she looked at her watch that read 5:00.
“Ahh…. Four more hours.” Four more hours for her dad to get drunk and knock himself out. (Wow, sounds like a great guy to party with!) Four more hours until she could go home without worry. Shifting, once again, Jin brought her right hand to her left side.
Damn, her latest bruise hurt. (Well, I wouldn't think they felt orgasmically pleasant, no matter what stage they're in.) She hadn’t woken up fast enough a couple days ago and her dad caught just before she left for school.
She closed her eyes and willed herself into a quick nap.